It’s hard for me to write this because I’m having to accept and acknowledge that a third brain surgery is rushing at me like a freight train. I wanted to wait until I had more answers.
I have been struggling with migraine/head pain, nausea, blurry vision, worsening balance, etc for over two months now. The pain dramatically drops when I lay down flat, but doesn’t go completely away.
I’ve been to the ER 4 times now for pain relief. A CT showed a pseudomeningocele (collection of fluid) on the surgical site. My primary care doctor ordered a series of MRIs with and without contrast for follow up along with a CINE motion study (CSF flow- the fluid moving around my brain and spinal column).
The MRIs show that there is a fluid collection on my surgical site. I reached out to my neurosurgeon in CO and mailed him my MRI scans. He called me this week and wants to see me in person. I got an appointment with him in the first week of August. I’m also on the cancellation list so I could get in sooner.
There’s a leak somewhere in my dura (lining around the brain that was patched) that is causing this collection of fluid and it probably needs a surgical repair meaning a third brain surgery.
I met with my primary care yesterday to come up with a pain management plan until I meet with the surgeon. He put a referral in for the infusion clinic again (getting hydration and migraine medication). I’ve stopped all of my physical therapy for now until I’m cleared to go back.
This waiting period is so hard. I just want to know what is happening and I’m having to wait for answers and waiting for the outcome.
Thank you for your continued prayers on this very long journey. 💜
Shae
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.”
Huge answer to prayer this weekend! Thank you to everyone who has been holding me and this appointment with my neurosurgeon in your prayers.
The MRIs of my brain look good. My surgeon explained that the fluid pockets the ER was freaking out about is a surgical glue he used as another sort of seal. This glue is supposed to dissolve over time and he believes that’s what the collection of fluid is and is not overly concerned about it.
The feeling of the ball in the back of my head and the extreme pain in my head and scalp is from the Occipital nerve. He had to spread my muscles apart during surgery and the nerve was compressed and is still inflamed. He said full healing is going to take about a year. Nerves are slow to heal.
The treatment plan for this is a nerve blocking pain injection. Hopefully, my neurologist can do that in his office.
The full MRI of my spine showed several areas of Degenerative Disc Disease in my neck and lower back. We are going to just monitor the neck for right now, but I will start getting injections in my lower back that should help with my back pain.
I feel really good with this appointment and this plan of care. It’s heartbreaking having an illness and chronic pain that’ll be there for the long run, but I feel settled a bit knowing there’s a good plan in a place and with the relationship with my surgeon. He was awesome.
I had a hard time getting phone calls returned from his office a few weeks ago and shared my frustration. Turns out there was a problem with their phone system, but they are also adding a “Chiari” option to their phone tree that will be checked multiple times a day for messages from Chiari patients. I appreciate their responsiveness. I just got caught in the craziness of switching systems.
Going forward, I feel like we have a good plan in place. I will continue to work with multiple physical therapists for different therapies and really work on gaining strength and balance. He also mentioned treating my fibromyalgia more aggressively and said a pain management doctor can help do that along with the injections in my lower back for the Degenerative Disc Disease.
We are going to do another MRI in 9 months and come back to Colorado for a one year follow up. I’m definitely feeling more encouraged with this last appointment.
We also had a trip home with Angel Flight West! It was a smooth flight on a very cool jet! The pilot was so kind to donate his time and plane.
Huge answer to prayer this weekend! Thank you to everyone who has been holding me and this appointment with my neurosurgeon in your prayers.
The MRIs of my brain look good. My surgeon explained that the fluid pockets the ER was freaking out about is a surgical glue he used as another sort of seal. This glue is supposed to dissolve over time and he believes that’s what the collection of fluid is and is not overly concerned about it.
The feeling of the ball in the back of my head and the extreme pain in my head and scalp is from the Occipital nerve. He had to spread my muscles apart during surgery and the nerve was compressed and is still inflamed. He said full healing is going to take about a year. Nerves are slow to heal.
The treatment plan for this is a nerve blocking pain injection. Hopefully, my neurologist can do that in his office.
The full MRI of my spine showed several areas of Degenerative Disc Disease in my neck and lower back. We are going to just monitor the neck for right now, but I will start getting injections in my lower back that should help with my back pain.
I feel really good with this appointment and this plan of care. It’s heartbreaking having an illness and chronic pain that’ll be there for the long run, but I feel settled a bit knowing there’s a good plan in a place and with the relationship with my surgeon. He was awesome.
I had a hard time getting phone calls returned from his office a few weeks ago and shared my frustration. Turns out there was a problem with their phone system, but they are also adding a “Chiari” option to their phone tree that will be checked multiple times a day for messages from Chiari patients. I appreciate their responsiveness. I just got caught in the craziness of switching systems.
Going forward, I feel like we have a good plan in place. I will continue to work with multiple physical therapists for different therapies and really work on gaining strength and balance. He also mentioned treating my fibromyalgia more aggressively and said a pain management doctor can help do that along with the injections in my lower back for the Degenerative Disc Disease.
We are going to do another MRI in 9 months and come back to Colorado for a one year follow up. I’m definitely feeling more encouraged with this last appointment.
We also had a trip home with Angel Flight West! It was a smooth flight on a very cool jet! The pilot was so kind to donate his time and plane.
We made it to Colorado, for the follow up with my neurosurgeon.
By the time we got here I already felt like I could sleep for a week. The flight was brutal with turbulence. Probably one of my worst experience with turbulence on a commercial flight. It was hard on my body and I’m feeling all the travel in my body. Then because I have the wheelchair service, they meet you while you are deboarding outside the plane.
The man pushing the wheelchair, when we landed in CO, was the fastest moving man I have ever had push my wheelchair. We were at the Denver airport and he said “this is the way fastest way to go”. Meaning going against the flow of tired and grumpy people and cutting corners. I got really bad motion sickness and almost taken out a few times by unsuspecting passengers with hockey and ski bags, and a few close calls with strollers. 🫢
I was so worried about losing my mom, was who following us with our luggage. I feel a lot of vulnerability in situations like this where I can’t turn my head around and have the reassurance she is still with me. It was a very stressful situation.
I had brought some stuff to work on in the plane, but could only read while everyone was boarding, (we sat in the very back) and during the few times the plane didn’t feel like a roller coaster.
We made it to the hotel and then settled in after we went to the only food open on Easter, which was a sports bar, full of older men, with a playlist of N’Sync, The Fray, and Jordan Sparks, and a lot of early 2000s. The playlist did not fit the vibe of the place and the people there. 😂😂
I was still feeling worked up from the stress of travel and the nerves and anticipation of tomorrow’s appointment, so I opened a scripture word search my friend sent me. It arrived the day before we left, God’s perfect timing, because I did not expect what she did.
My friend, wrote me a beautiful message on the inside of the cover and then covered the book with clever jokes written on sticky notes. It brought tears to my eyes and I laughed so hard my mom wanted to see why.
These are the thoughtful gifts and creativity that shows up when I need it, because God’s people follow His promptings. This was a reminder to me of how a small thing like a word search puzzle and jokes on sticky notes, can have such a heavy impact on someone. Thank you, Hannah!! 🤍🤍🤍
Today will be a day of rest and preparation for our appointment tomorrow. We have our list of questions and concerns we have to discuss with him and I will finally get the whole story of what went on inside my head. 🧠
These last few weeks of my life have been so hard. I’m bed bound most of the time and even with the pain meds I’m still feeling a lot of pain. I’m mostly lying in bed. Isla moved out of her room so I could be on the first floor and not have to confront the stairs. I keep falling and I’m relying on my cane.
My mom got me some sketch supplies and watercolors cause I was going crazy just laying in bed. I got a lap desk off of amazon that’s adjustable, so I don’t have to look down.
I am not supposed to move my head and neck much. I can do small “princess nods”, but I can’t see the floor when I walk or twist my neck and body. Using the cane has been so helpful with my balance and fatigue.
I’ve been out of the house a few times for medical appointments and once for a dinner. I go on car rides to the store or pharmacy and wait in the car, just to get out of the house. It takes a lot out of me.
My fatigue is high and my energy is very low. I have a hard time standing for too long. Sometime, my head gets heavy and I need to lay it down or my vision goes black and I feel like I’m about to faint. I’m supposed to take it easy, but still walk a little. As soon as I start moving, the pain and symptoms definitely get worse.
My insomnia is worse than ever. It takes forever to find a comfortable position to sleep with pressure on my neck and head. I’m constantly waking up to adjust the pillows and blankets, get ice packs and take my pain meds. I’ve also been having a lot of nightmares that are making it harder.
Isla comes and sits with me, but she always makes me laugh so hard I’m scared I’m gonna tear some stitches.
We’re home now and made it through surgery, but in a lot of ways we are still in the thick of it.
I’ve had several doctor’s appointments and there’s been a ton of pharmacy runs.
The insurance is pushing back a lot on some of my medications.
Over the weekend, there was a mess up with the prescriptions and we thought we had more refills than we did. The bottle had multiple refills written on it but the pharmacy, said there system can’t process that.
I had to call my doctor and because it was the weekend they said that it would be better for me to just go to the ER than go through the on call doctor. Which we did. They gave me just enough to get to Monday to talk with my doctor.
My doctor did everything he could on his end, and it got sent to insurance who is denying it.
We are all stuck in this cycle of it goes to my doctor, to the pharmacy, then to insurance and the back again. Please pray that this all gets sorted out.
Just a few more weeks and I’ll be through the worst of it and on to the next chapter of healing and working with a physical therapist. I also be able to wash my hair with something other than baby shampoo.
Thanks for all the messages and checking in with me. Sometimes it takes me awhile to respond, but it really does encourage me. 💜
I’m home now since Thursday night. Thank you all for the constant prayers and the steady support and love.
I’m exhausted and have been sleeping most of the days away. My body physically feels worn. It’s hard to move, but I’m making myself go up a flight of stairs and just want to walk around. Some days are easier than others. If I lay still with an ice pack and some meds I can manage. It’s the moving around part that’s hard.
Isla has been so gracious and is letting me sleep in her room in the lowest level of the house, my room is on the highest floor. Which freaked out everyone (including the medical team).
A few family and friends have briefly stopped by, but I am mostly sleeping. I don’t actually remember all the details of my first surgery, but I really don’t remember sleeping like this.
I have to wash my hair and incision every day with this baby wash type thing. One of the nurses told me to be prepared that I am going to lose some hair in the coming months from the medication and my body being under stress. That happened last time, so I’m ready for that. I already cut my hair shorter so it’s easier to manage and grow out.
I saw my primary care doctor yesterday. My incision is a little swollen, but we’ll just watch it for now.
I made a playlist of everyone’s suggestions and I play it all through the night. It’s very eclectic and lots of it is new to me and gives me lots to think about.
Sorry for the late explanation. I needed some time to calm down, restart and get and travel home.
Very long complex story, but I was readmitted because i had not had a bowl movement since before surgery. They released me before that happened saying it would at home. It never did. We called and they said if it was painful to go in, which is was so we did. We thought it would be something they took care of in the ER and we would be out that night. They came back in and said because of all the stitching neurosurgery wanted me readmitted for observation.
So, I was readmitted a scans showed a Seroma (fluid collection at the surgery site) that the ER was concerned about. The surgeon later told me that it’s very common and they would be surprised not to have one. That the ER always makes a big deal out of it.
During my 23 hour stay, I was not fed or given any fluids through an IV or a cup of water. Whenever I hit the call light button it was ignored. The doctor came in for around 3 mins and said all my problems were because I have an addiction to pain meds. (The one I just started taking after brain surgery on Monday). The only thing this doctor did was cancel ALL my meds for 10 hours. I went without pain meds other than Tylenol. There were a few medications the nurses even told me that had no idea what those were for and I had to explain how during brain surgery they stopped my CSF flow and I lost of CSF fluid so they filled me back up with saline and it takes time for the to become CSF, so that medication they stopped was to prevent the headaches that go with that. I asked for my meds several times and was always told to just wait for them to ask the doctor. They also asked the doctor if I could have a small bowl of oatmeal and an IV for hydration. They finally came back and said they could see the doctor was reading their messages, but not responding. They said we could fire her and get a new doctor, so I formally said that’s what I wanted to do. Another couple hours and they come back to say, I can’t fire her because she is the only doctor working that floor right now. They also let it slip that the doctor had also gone to empathy training before.
It gets to be a whole mess of meds being ordered and then canceled “this” is gonna happen but nothing does. I am in so much physical pain, starving, dehydrated and I don’t feel safe. I could write a whole post on medical gaslighting. It’s real and dangerous. I felt scared and so I stood out of my hospital bed and started taking off all the monitors and got dressed. I told my mom I wasn’t safe and was leaving. That I would follow up with my primary care back home who I love. There was no clear reason why I was in the hospital. I had already met my goal and was declining from no food or water. The nurses kept wanting me to stay for the next shift because there would be a new doctor and I could be reevaluated. They convinced me to have a meal and to just wait for a few hours or a new doctor. I did. Only to find out right before it would be the same doctor. I think they wanted me to stay because once you hit midnight again the hospital can charge for another full day even if I’m only there for a few minutes after midnight.
The doctor finally started sending in meds, but smaller doses than I take (according to the plan created by my neurosurgery team). I told my mom I was done with this pettiness and just wanted to go home where I know my parents can take care of me. I was physically not in that much pain and suffering at home.
One of the nurses I love checked me out before midnight and we got the number to call about that doctor. When we go back in two months for the follow up appointment I might want to follow up with what happened in person cause that was wrong. It took days to get my pain manageable again. I also have other conditions like POTS and fibromyalgia that were caused to flare because of the lack of care I was receiving. I have to be on it with my health. With the foods I eat, hydration and medication. Not even mentioning brain surgery. I was denied all of that under this doctor’s “care”.
I’m sorry it’s taken a couple days to update about this. I’ve had nightmares about it and it’s still real upsetting me to think or talk about it.
I can feel my strength getting weaker. My heart getting heavier. Every day is getting harder. I’m having to use a cane now to help with my balance and lightheadedness. There is so much breaking my heart from my illness and physical pain and the impact this illness has had on relationships.
Life’s just hard. I’m trying to take it day by day, but that sometimes turns to hour by hour. The ground is feeling more unsteady with every step forward.
Sometimes I feel so shaken and fragile as each day brings me closer to the brain surgery. I’m feeling so weary and tired. I wish all of this was already behind me.
(Here’s an inside look into how my prayer goes sometimes)
I was praying earlier about my struggle and questioned why this was happening to me again. Why does it feel worse than before? I asked God to give me the strength I don’t have and to carry me now because I’m too tired. I told God I felt like I was only hanging on by a thread. That there’s no way out for me.
I thought about that phrase “hanging by a thread” for a second and began to imagine a thread and the image in my head took on the old hem of a tattered robe.
The woman in the Bible who bled for 12 years and touched the robe of Jesus was my first thought.
Honestly, that story has become a hard one for me to hear and read. There has been some unintentional misuse of that story towards me. I had someone I know compare me to the woman. They told me that if I just had more faith and decided to reach out and touch Jesus’ robe, I would be healed.
These last few years, I have had many people tell me things like that. If I just had more faith, prayed more, or confessed my sin I would be healed. Someone even asked me what my parent’s unconfessed sin was.
I slowly began to realize I felt like the woman who was isolated from her community and church. She was known for her illness. It’s been really hard and I struggle sometimes to be in church or with a group of believers. I feel insecure and tainted somehow. I feel like everyone knows my prayers haven’t been answered and I’m marked. I know this is irrational thinking, but the insecurity, feeling different from my peers, and not having a “normal” young adult life
It is easy for me in the moment when these things are being said to brush it off, but with my insomnia and the fatigue at night, the lies begin to distort the truth.
I lie awake and wonder why has God not answered my prayers. Did I do something wrong? Am I not enough as I am?
I read a book by Costi Hinn called, More Than a Healer. I loved how he described that way of thinking. This is my summary, but he describes that way of thinking as making God’s love transactional. That we have to do or say the right things for Him to bless and take care of us.
The one thing above all I have learned from this experience is my faith is not built on anything other than the tender mercies and love of Jesus. We are not promised a life free of worries and pain, but we are promised the unconditional, never-ending love of God that surpasses all understanding.
I find myself avoiding the story of the woman who touched the robe of Jesus because it would make me feel angry and confused about why healing hasn’t come for me. I don’t know and I may never know. Full healing may never come for me on this side of heaven, but I know it will come. I have a promise of a future with a new body and no more pain. A place with no more tears and heartbreak.
When I was praying about having on by a thread and then thought of the woman and the robe, this time I thought of Jesus’ robe tattered and worn with threads hanging off the bottom. He was described as a man of sorrow. He carried the sorrows of the world. My sorrows.
I realized that yes, I am hanging on by a thread. The thread of the robe. The robe of the one who will lead me to life everlasting.
The Book of Job is one of my favorite books of the Bible. One of my favorite passages of scripture is after all of Job’s questioning and debating, God answers him through a whirlwind. He asks Job a series of questions showing the full awesome power of God and the smallness of man. In God’s love, he restores Job’s life. Job ends by saying,
“I have heard of You before, but now I have seen You with my own eyes.”
The other GoFundMe had some problems, so my friends Amy Munoz and Heather Hartrim-Lowe have organized a new one. Tomorrow is the day i am having my second brain surgery! We barely made it out here to Denver, because of the weather, but we are here!
We appreciate all of your support, it’s taking a lot to be here and the expense of the surgery itself. They need me to stay out here for two weeks to make sure there are no complications. Then I will have a 10 day follow up appointment with them where they will remove my staples and do an evaluation to clear me for the flight home. I also need to come back to CO in two months for a follow up appointment.
I’m using a cane now because I have developed some mobility and balance issues. I’m losing the fine motor skills in my hands too and barely able to write with a pen. My ability to do math and keep track of time is gone right now, adding 2+5 is beyond me and time is confusing. There is short term memory loss also. The headaches are nonstop because of the fluid blockage in my brain. Hopefully, this surgery will heal and restore those things or at least stop the progression and will greatly improve my quality of life.
We would like to cover January 15, 2024 in prayer for Shae as she goes in for her 2nd brain surgery. Please join us in praying for Shae: every part of her procedure and recovery, the doctors and nurses, hospital staff, hospital, operating room, recovery room, and Shae’s family. Let us pray that in all things God’s will be done.
Shae had brain decompression surgery in March 2021 for a rare condition called Chiari Malformation (kee-AH-ree mal-for-MAY-shun) Type I. Since then, Shae has experienced complications, including a leak and scar tissue that is growing like a weed at the site of the previous surgery.
Last year Shae had over 135 medical appointments which does not include the ER and urgent care visits. There have also been dozens of trips to the pharmacy and calls to doctors and insurance, not to mention all of the scheduling. It’s overwhelming!
Shae is going to a specialist in Colorado who is familiar with this rare complication. Shae hasn’t been able to work or return to school and needs support for travel to Denver and upcoming medical bills.
Shae’s 2nd surgery is scheduled for January 15th, 2024. The goal of this surgery is to remove the scar tissue and replace the initial duraplasty (the outer covering of the brain). The hope is to stop the cerebral spinal fluid leak. In addition, exploratory surgery will look for additional complications. After surgery Shae will need to stay in Colorado for ten days. At her ten-day follow-up exam, the doctors will assess her recovery and remove the staples before releasing her for travel home. Shae will also need to go back to Colorado for a follow up in two months.
Please consider helping Shae and her family financially as they navigate this extraordinary medical journey.
Weathering Chiari 